Seven Years Later

I normally don’t share many details about my personal life on this blog, but I felt compelled to this week. This is because this past Monday marked seven years since my older cousin, Daniel, passed away. He was 19, and after a 10-month-long stay in different hospitals battling leukemia, he left this world for his true, eternal home, free of pain and suffering.

I share this for a couple of reasons. First of all, I want to encourage you if you have lost a dear loved one, especially if they were young and it seems far before their time. It is so easy for me to think about all of the things that Daniel didn’t get to experience. Graduating from college, getting married, and starting a family. Were he still here, I have no doubt that he would have been able to enjoy these blessings, and as his family, we would have celebrated and shared in his joy. 

It is difficult for us to understand why someone would be taken from us when they had so much life left to live, so much left to share with others and give to the world. However, I was encouraged by Tim Challies’ words in his book Seasons of Sorrow, where he reflects on his own personal journey of grief upon losing his son when he was 20 years old. He wrote that although his son only lived 20 years, he died not a moment too early. While we don’t understand it, and we should be honest with God about our feelings, we can trust in God’s sovereignty that He appoints the times, seasons, and the time of our birth as well as our departure from earth. This is difficult, and we will never understand or fully grasp this truth, but we can trust the character and wisdom of God even when it doesn’t make sense. 

I also would like to share that just because a significant amount of time has passed since your loved one passed away, that doesn’t mean you have to “move on” or that it necessarily gets easier. There’s a common quote that goes, “time heals all wounds.” This is a lie. Time never heals anything. Certain parts of grief may get easier with time, but time never heals. If anything, as time goes on, we are slowly forced to accept that this tragedy is our new reality, and we adjust to life without the person we thought would still be here. 

We can and should be honest with God about how we feel and what we are experiencing. I firmly believe that when you do, God meets you there in your crisis. Often, we experience His presence so much closer when we are walking through the valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23). It is okay to still miss this person, to still long to see them, to wish to hear their voice. We may be forced to get used to their absence on earth, but that doesn’t mean anything is healed. Some emotional wounds will never be fully healed until we, too, have gone on and are with the Lord. 

However, we have hope because for the Christian, all wounds will be healed. Not by time, no, for time can only dull the ache (this is another idea I heard from Tim Challies). Only Christ can heal, and we are healed by His wounds (Isaiah 53:5). When we are with Him in eternity, God’s Word promises us that He will dwell with us, we will be His people, and He will be our God. He will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and death, mourning, crying, and pain will be no more, for the former things will have passed away (Revelation 21:3-4). This is our hope of healing. It isn’t in the passage of time but in the eventual consummation of all things when we will dwell with our Creator, our Savior, and the Spirit who has guided us through this life. There, we will see God and our loved ones who knew Him and have gone before us. 

Dear reader, I don’t know who you are or what you have experienced in your life. I don’t know the pain or grief you have endured. But I hope these have been words of hope and encouragement. Be honest in your grief, and don’t be afraid to miss those who have passed away. But hold on to God’s Word, too, and let His truth inform you in your hurt and give you the strength to carry on. Cling to the Father, know that you are loved by Him, and in the land where death itself has died, He will wipe away every tear that falls from your eyes. Let us praise and live for this good and gracious Shepherd. 

I have begun the tradition of reading the book I referenced earlier, Seasons of Sorrow by Tim Challies, every September. I have begun to look forward to this every year, and I would encourage you to read this book as well. It reminds me of the promises of God when I am tempted to despair.